Love's Bitch

At least I am woman enough to admit it

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Monday, January 28, 2002 Connor survived his second day of his new school, and I survived modelling with a teacher that has decided that Props are the fun new trick to fuck with his students. I ended up posing with a broom handle gripped in my hands, OUCH!!! After about 10 minutes, that shit hurts. It's like living a chapter of the Story of O, without the feeble hope of an orgasm. hahahaha, Now I am just getting silly. Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 2:51 PM [edit]

Sunday, January 27, 2002 Connor goes to his second day at his new school tommorrow. His first day without me, I went with him Friday. I am happy for him, and a bit scared too. He will be farther away from home than before, and with different people and everything. He says he is happy and looking forward to it, but I am a big chicken. Speaking of chicken and weakness in general, I am feeling a touch detached. Life, game, everything, I feel like I am watching a black and white movie rather than living. Weird huh? Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 5:52 PM [edit]

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 Been modeling for a couple weeks now, it's not bad. actually, they treat me better at the art school than at the local university. I get a clean sheet to sit on and Not one single person has made any comments within my hearing about the size of my ass. Yes it's true, My ass is pretty big. I am a big girl all over, in fact you might even say I am a *Classic Beauty* Meaning, I am built like a woman rather than some strangely stunted old girl. In Pagan terms I am built like a *Mother*, but then, since I Am a mother, it kind of goes together well. None of my lovers have ever complained, and if my form is not appealing to you, tough. I like me just fine. We've been working on our little Vampire game here in town. And I do mean work. Fully 90% of what being a StoryTeller is, is Work plain and simple, work making flyers, work getting paperwork figured out, work trying to find a way to have a computer of some sort on site for the games, Work getting flyers out to the potential players, Work reading every darn VTM book I can get my hands on, work creating NPC's and other niceties to make the city something other than a flat piece of paper with no life, Work hashing out plotlines, long term plotlines, one shot plotlines, quest plotlines, oh shit they didn't get the true plot plotlines, and the wonderful, I am bored, please entertain me without me having to do any work plotlines. Never mind the job of figuring out how we will pay for the site next month, or even if we will have the site next month, Getting the players to come, knowing full well that there is another game playing in Indy that is not GDU the same night, (but they are running a Gehanna plot, so eventually, it will end, and then we can have the players. Muwahahahahahahahah) Then there is the most important part of STing a game, Having some kind of life outside of the game. You laugh? You mock me? You claim it can't be done? you may be right, but dammit I am going to give it my best. I am still a mom, and a wife, and game or no game, that comes first. I am also trying very hard not to get burnt out. We haven't even had a game yet, and a subtle, and not so subtle powerstruggle has already started. Blarg!!! But still I am here. Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 3:08 PM [edit]

Monday, January 14, 2002 Well, I started to make a post, and lost it, so here is what I remember of it. Went to the silly Vampire game I play Saturday, Loved it. Got ignored by the ST's all night. I am happy with that, I do not need to be entertained all the time, I can cause trouble all by myself. *grin* Though after game I got obliquely accused of cheating and that kind of pissed me off. I work the check-in table at the game, using the computer, and printing off the character sheets. I see somewhere between 20 - 40 character sheets on the computer for updates, and generally end up hand typing in at least 2 new characters every game. By the time I get done with that and can put the computer away and go play, I barely know who my own character is, let alone anyone elses. So, It is not cheating to listen when someone brings a new character into the game and then openly identifies themselves as being a member of the family of a character who's clan I know. It's not Rocket Science Kids!!! But enough of that. I worked Thursday at the Heron art school and will be spending Monday through Thursday working there this week. Monday and Wednesday will be 6 hour days for me and Tuesday and Thursday will be 3 hour days. I know, I know, Modelling is easy Right? You try it. You go into a room and take off all your clothes in front of a group of fresh faced young artists, and take a pose picked out for you by a teacher who is not holding that pose and then, hold still. And keep holding still. Oh, and hold still. Don't move. Never mind that your leg has gone to sleep, you can't feel your fingers and your right ear itches like a motherfucker. Hold still. And don't worry when the teacher asks if you are alright, because he will ask you to hold still for 10 more minutes. and hold still. Sounds like I hate the job doesn't it? Well, really I don't. I think of it this way, It's the one real time in my day that I have nothing else to do. At all. In Fact I can't do anything else. So, I meditate, run through stories and plotlines for not only our new Indy game that will be starting soon, But also some things I have been writing, make lists, consider the universe, and whatnot. Hell, sometimes, if the pose is permitting, I snooze a bit, trying not to snore, or drool on myself. *grin* So, that's my update, Where's yours????? Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 12:31 AM [edit]

Wednesday, January 09, 2002 Wednesday, another day in my life. Still, it beats the holy fuck out of the alternative. The weather has finally gotten cold, and my back and right hip have really started to complain terribly about the climate. I keep telling my body to just *get over it* but funny, my body doesn't seem to want to listen. Silly Body, Doesn't it know that it is supposed to respond to MY whims??? I lost an entry, it wasn't that great, but still, it's damn odd that it's gone. I was mentioning my haircut and how short it is now. She took too much, and really didn't listen to my wishes. it has decided to curl up tight again, so I find myself looking in the mirror and seeing someone a bit younger than I had anticipated. I will live with it, Phoenix thinks I look *gasp* cute and loves it. I just really hate hate hate being carded when I buy smokes Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 3:26 PM [edit]

Tuesday, January 08, 2002 Time to make an update. Didn't kill that fellow, he still lives, for now. ;-> Been working with my AST on plotlines and character stuff, Him I like. I sense a good working friendship growing out of this. Other stuff.............. Hmmmm, not much to say. Connor is getting taller, and cuter every day, and looking more and more like his father, Which is a damn good thing, because looking like me would not be a plan to ever get the girls. Phoenix is working hard at work and here at home he relaxes which is good, but since he has gained a little weight, (if this keeps up his 6'6" frame will carry all of 180 pounds) he is feeling a bit uncomfortable with himself. It will take time I guess. I continue to redistribute my body weight in new patterns. I haven't lost any weight in a while but my clothes continue to get baggier, and shorter. Could I be growing at this age???? Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 7:42 AM [edit]

Friday, January 04, 2002 I must not Kill. Kill is the Mind-bender. Kill is the messy death. That brings, police investigation. I will face my prey I will permit it to pass by me, and live on. And when it has gone, I will Torture it on it's path. Once the torture is done, there will be nothing. Only I will remain. the Litany against homicide I am going to Kill someone. He knows who he is, and when I am done with him, he will beg for the release of Oblivion!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I will back the bus up. I was asked if I would be a StoryTeller here in town, linked to the game I play in Muncie. At first I refused being far too inexperienced at the game, and terrified of people. Then in time, I thought about it, and it didn't seem that much different from Coordinating Pagan Pride Day, so I said yes. I wanted to wait until February, but my Co-ST wanted to have it in January so he rushed me. I resisted, still thinking it was too soon, but I got encouraged by the Whisper's ST's and friends, I even got an AST that I trust. So the game was on. We got insurance, We went to the building last night, it is great! I should have known it was too good to be true. Today, the day before the event, My Co-ST messages me, Guess what? The damn insurance doesn't start till Monday, Did he fucking check the paperwork before waving it around the Site's People? NO!! If he had, he could have said, I will get you the paperwork Monday, sorry, we have it, but I don't have a copy yet. and by then, it would have been done, nobody would have cared, and Blah. So, I have been all bent up about rushing the damn game, and now I am very very very beyond words pissed off that the damn rug has been pulled out from under me. Nobody will trust me again, and it's not even my damn fault this time. Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 3:47 PM [edit]

Tuesday, January 01, 2002 A new year begins. I ate too much last night and drank so much I do not have any idea how much I drank. I know I had one shot of Jieger, and part of a crappy Pina Colada, I had a drink of a horrid fuzzy pussy, and a sip of a white Russian. It was the Fighting Cock Bourbon that kicked my ass. Nick and I killed a 750 ml bottle between us about fairly, shot for shot straight, neat and harsh as hell. I have not been that smashed in more than 10 years, and I am thinking that I can wait another 10 for it to happen again. Cute things I did while drunk: accidentally won a game of *Gother than thou* chewed on my hair while trying to explain something to Brian. (apparently this was considered very unusual since it resulted in a very damn odd look from all those at the table) Tried to go outside with no shoes or coat on because I was terribly overheated and the noise level in the house was too damn high. I got yelled at. Complained bitterly about the horror of the Pina colada that tasted like coconut flavored soap, and then insisted that 2 other people try it because it tasted so bad. (they did it too) Plotted the demise of a few gamers (or was it just their characters?) causing me to lose humanity for my character right there in the Storyteller's house. Proposed a 4 point merit for character creation called *Dumb luck* since my character seems to have that merit times infinity. Threatened to drive home, knowing full well, I didn't drive there and had no car complained to Nick that the fucking house wouldn't stop spinning Generally misbehaved And Brian and Kari haven't demanded that I never return to their home, or game, so all in all, a fairly good party. Though for me, NO MORE FIGHTING COCK BOURBON!!!!!!! Thank you, and happy fucking new year. Transcribed in accordance with the Prophecy by: Angela at 9:42 PM [edit]